The kind of repetition that doesn’t require a lot of conscious thought can be soothing and meditative; however, doing something again and again that does require some real focus is almost painful. My automatic response is to just stop and walk away, or do something else. Or, if I can’t physically walk away, I might just start something completely different, even if I’m running behind and deadline is looming.
Does this sound silly, immature or irrational? If you think about it without understanding or having experienced it, I can understand why you might think so. It certainly doesn’t appear to make sense on the face of it. I imagine that folks who are not wired as I am could believe I’m engaging in purposeful self-sabotage, and they would be 50% correct. It is absolutely impeding, obscuring undermining and sabotaging my success. (Generally, and on individual projects)
They would be wrong that it’s purposeful. What IS purposeful, intentional, difficult and constantly a battle, is to FORCE MYSELF to continue when I know I must. One of the hardest parts of it is actually noticing that it’s happening. This morning, for example, I was finishing up a custom rock order. For those of you who do not know this, I love to paint rocks and I also sell them. In this case, I had to make many of the exact same design. I was thrilled to get this order and I actually loved working on it. But now, at the end, I don’t have the luxury of just stopping when I lose interest. It took me a couple of minutes to notice that I had picked up another one and started to paint it, “just see what _____ would look like,” or “just to start another one for a minute”, a couple of my standard internal mantras.
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