If you ultimately determine that you need to let go of one of your goals, make sure this decision is based on your own analysis of your priorities and capabilities. Realism is completely subjective. People often need to make sacrifices in their lives, but it's YOU (and only you) who knows what you might be willing to give up or place aside in support of something you deem bigger and/or more important. Don’t completely abandon a dream based on your current perception of reality. Simply because you can't see a path, does not mean there isn't one. We don't know what we don't know. I love what Will Smith said, above, about being realistic:
2) TOO MANY!
You get to decide which goals to set or what to put on your task list at any given time, but if you notice that "re-design the header on your newsletter template" or "clean out your closet" is on the same list as "schedule overdue mammogram" or "finish preparing your talk" (that you're delivering tomorrow,) you might want to pare down the list. ;-) (See #11 for more thoughts about this one.)
Being idealistic or even a bit unrealistic about the timeframe or strategy is not the same as setting a goal that is truly impossible for you to achieve. I'm not trying to be a buzz-kill, or taint anyone's dreams, but I do think it's important to examine whether the goal or dream is even potentially achievable for you. We need to be honest with ourselves about who we are, including our limitations, capavbilities and potential. What I mean here, is that my legs will NEVER look like Heidi Klum's, (not even if I started again from 10yo) no matter what I do. So, if that's what I'm shooting for, I'm guaranteed not to hit that goal. (or even come close) There's nothing wrong with aiming HIGH, even higher than you think you can achieve, which is exactly what many experts recommend; however, striving for the unattainable can only result in disappointment and perhaps set you back further than when you started.
Go to a quiet space, relax, take a few deep breaths,
and let them out slowly. Then state the goal
to yourself and observe how you feel
in your body as you say it.
5) LACK OF CLARITY
6) NOT RESONANT ENOUGH
8) NO SUPPORT SYSTEM
If you know you're someone who needs support outside of yourself, then DON'T GO IT ALONE! Further, if you have the support of one or two people and it doesn’t feel like enough, don't give yourself grief about it – just go and find more! Do whatever it takes and everything YOU can to help yourself get there. If you're not sure how to find more support, here are some ideas, in no particular order:
- Accountability buddy or group;
- Family/friend check-ins;
- Tell people (& ask them to ask you about it);
- Set up weekly support group/ck-in for others w/same or similar goals;
- Find a local Meet-up group;
- Create a mastermind group;
- Blog about it
9) LIMITING BELIEFS
My favorite way of viewing limiting beliefs is by calling them Gremlins, a term coined by Rick Carson in his classic book, Taming Your Gremlin. Gremlins are evil vile creatures whose only purpose is to stifle the true you and keep you playing small and safe and very much within your comfort zone. He does this by manipulating you to believe that your negative thoughts are true.
Whether you refer to these thoughts as limiting beliefs, saboteurs, inner critics, gremlins or something else, the net effect is the same; they show up when you are even pondering venturing out of your comfort zone. here are a couple of the most common ways they manifest:
> Fear - of achieving or NOT achieving
your goals and dreams
> Unworthiness - that we don't deserve it,
whatever the IT is...
This section really warrants more than a few paragraphs, but I'll just share one more thought: If you are even hinting at contemplating any kind of change, the gremlins will almost assuredlys how up to tell you what an utter and complete nincompoop you are. Gremlins are the guardians at the gates of change.
10) BAD TIMING
11) YOUR BRAIN WIRING IS NOT CONDUCIVE (ADHD)
- Activation (organizing, prioritizing and starting) and
- Effort (maintaining continued persistence toward a task or goal)
If you have made it all the way down to here, congratulations for re-visiting your resolutions! A few final thoughts:
If you started the year off with a bang, got off course and never got back on, it's not too late! It's not an all-or-nothing proposition. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Just keep swimming . . .
Stay in ACTION so you don'tbackslide. At the same time, know that sometimes a conscious choice to just stay still, to regroup, plan or process can also be a form of action. The key is to make sure that whatever you're doing, (or not doing) is intentional and in service of your grander vision of your life.
Whatever it is that you’re striving for right now, when you get there, (after congratulating and rewarding yourself, of course) keep in mind that although you’ve reached this destination, it’s not the end of your journey, as we’re always in process…
The problem with this, aside from a persistent sense that I'm playing some sort of warped game of Russian roulette with my own free will and energy, is that it leaves messes and unfinished jobs which often require additional time and work later on not only to clean up the messes but to figure out where I was in the process. And sometimes, mess begets more mess. Sometimes, stuff gets ruined or lost. In practical terms, it looks like this: I go outside feeling motivated and decide to trim the hedges. I'm very focused, committed, motivated and I cut LOTS of bushes and branches. I put them in piles, with good and pure intentions of picking up the piles and putting them in yard bags when I'm done trimming. (You see where this is going, right?) After the switch has been flipped, it’s entirely possible for the piles, bags and possibly even the clippers, rake and garden gloves to end up exactly where I left them for days, weeks or longer. Either I never regain enough motivation to complete the task or I don't even remember - out of sight, out of mind. Evidence of this uncompleted project might not come into my sight of vision or mind until the following spring, after the snow has melted. (Yeah, neighbors love this.)
If you’ve never used this strategy before and decide to give it a try, let me know if it helps!
Sometimes, delusion and denial can serve us for a time; often, we need it to keep us safe and functioning. At some point, though, it just keeps us stuck. And when we feel paralyzed or stuck and know we've been hiding (either from others or from ourselves) it's likely time to look within to see if there is something(s) we are resisting or at least failing to acknowledge. Since what we resist persists, and also robs us of precious energy, the first and most important action is to truly acknowledge that we have, in fact, been resisting, denying, ignoring or otherwise not dealing with what we know is so. There is simply no real movement before we take this step. Even if doing this feels really icky, painful, uncomfortable and heavy, it will weigh much less than denying its existence and carrying it around, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. What is that it? Whatever IT is for you. We will all have more than one it throughout our lives. It will change and/or recur. And I submit that we cannot actually hit bottom until we wake up and own whatever it is we've been squashing down because IT has been squashing us down too.
Your own hitting bottom need not necessarily involve drugs or alcohol, near-death, serious injury, hospitalization, incarceration, or homelessness, but sometimes it is that stark. It doesn't have to be. Bottom for you may just be the day you look up and say, "How the hell did I get here and who is this person who looks like me but isn't?" If you do find yourself in that place, after you go through whatever personal process is needed, then it's time to celebrate, because if you've determined that you've "hit rock bottom", there is only one way to go from there! Perhaps you could put on some music and rock YOUR bottom!
- 11 REASONS MOST NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FAIL
- CLEAN UP AS YOU GO
- ON CONQUERING PROCRASTINATION
- Rock Your Bottom?
- MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR SUMMER
- From SCARED to SACRED
- NO MORE RESOLUTIONS!
- BACK TO WORK
- GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
- OCTOBER IS ADHD AWARENESS MONTH!